Running out of 'Ohmpf'

What to do, what do do?

I hit points where I have the scene in my head, but the translation from thought to written word just doesn't work. I stare at the page, re-read what I've written before, look for inspiration in my pictures, but still... Nothing.

My Ohmpf has left the building.

Now all the writers say: Keep writing."

My answer. "Shut up."

I love writing. Anything, anywhere, anytime. If I could 'keep writing' I would. But I haven't written a word in three days. This is the first I've written. And it's taking me frickin forever to get these words down.

Just keep writing, feels like a slap in the face when I hit these lows.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the push I get from fellow writers, published or not. It's a strong community with great love for each other. I adore them all, and the way they pull you through pretty much anything. So it's not them. It's me.

At certain times in my life I hit the bottom. I relapse into depression first, and then I hit emotional flat-line. I feel nothing, I want nothing.

Writing at this point is impossible. I'm one of the lucky ones though, because it doesn't last long. A week, or a month. During my deepest low I saw a psychiatrist for about a year, and learned some tricks to pull myself out.

So now I'm back. I've gotten no-where on my shared project, but have done some edits on another one. An untitled project, that might be ready for release this year. I say might because... Well, I'm me, and I'm still fighting the fear of finishing something.

So what do I do when I hit these dark moments, where I don't, can't, want to write? Mostly I binge watch anime, play otome games and read. All of this is also done without enthusiasm. So I fast forward through any series I watch, I cheat on the games, and I only read about five pages of all the free books I download from Amazon. But it's something. Eventually I find that one thing. A sentence, a scene, a picture. Pretty much any small thing. And that kicks me back to barely functioning. After that it's fight, fight, fight.

I'm now at the fighting stage. Pulling my ass out of the dark abyss, and writing a few random sentences on index cards every night. Not much, I know. But I have to give myself some time. Everyone needs to. Writing is for me right now, so if I turn it into something painful and anxiety driven, then what's the point?

I can give you a little sneak peek of my, not so polished, first sentence of one of my many WIP's Turns out I have 18 of those, and only one is a full draft, being edited at the moment. Talk about shattered mind, and cluttered head. Soooooooo many characters running around in my mind wanting their story to be told.

Anyway. Here you go. First sentence.

 "Standing on the roof of the ragged brick building my eyes search the crowd leaving the club."